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The Journey to Professional Pram: A quick Rundown
So, you want to become a Professional Pram Player, huh? Well, follow this simple guide and we'll have you on the Tel Aviv Tigers or the Atlanta Pramsters in no time! Make sure to follow each instruction very carefully, there are no second chances (except where ever specified) Stage 1: Initiation # The first step to becoming initiated, is to find the Official Rule Book. The Rule Book is located in Disney Magic Kingdom Theme Park in Orlando Florida, more specifically in the Pirates of the Caribbean boatride. # While on the Pirates of the Caribbean boatride at Disney Magic Kingdom Theme Park, jump out of the boat midway. To find the rulebook, you need to swim for it. Keep your eyes peeled for a small plateau amoungst the darkness. Grasp wildly when you think you have spotted it, and hold on until the current floats you to the exit. # Escape. By this point you will have garnered the attention of the Park Security staff. Do NOT let them catch you. They are armed with billy clubs and it will probably hurt a lot if they hit you with them. They also might take the rulebook from you. After this, you will receive a lifetime ban from Disney Magic Kingdom Theme Park, with a platoon of guards ready at the gate to dissuade you from ever entering again. # Read the rules. the Pram Rulebook is written entirely in Hebrew, so first you need to learn Hebrew. Reminder that everyone's rulebook is different, so don't try to read someone else's It won't work. That goes doubly for your own rulebook. Even the most seasoned Rabbi of Jerusalem will see nothing but gibberish if they tried to read a rulebook they themselves haven't recovered. # After reading the book thoroughly, congratulations! You have completed Stage 1! Stage 2: Training (Disclaimer: This stage varies from person to person. The specifics are dictated in the Pram Rule Book) * Complete the rigorous exercise regime detailed in the Rule Book. This regime can last for months, to even years of constant, backbreaking training. Each stretch, every sprint every last bit of footwork must be followed to an absolute T. * Its also during this stage that you will be fully immersed in the Cult of Pram. Don't fight it. You wanted this. Details on this stage are few and far between, since they are unique to the individualized Rule book for every prospecting Pram Player. What we do know is what happens if you fail. * Failure at this stage won't produce any catastrophic consequences * If one day you fail one of the training exercises, you will wake up the next morning to find the Rule Book completely illegible. It is not yours anymore. * You are now barred from trying to initiate yourself for one full year. * Once the year passes, you'll have to retrieve another Pram Rule Book from the Pirates of the Caribbean Ride at Disney Magic Kingdom in Orlando, Florida * Of course, this time, they'll be expecting you. Stage 3 * No information exists on stage 3 * There is not a single Pram player alive, past present or future, who has divulged what goes on during this part of initiation. If ever questioned, they immediately break down in tears and must be hospitalized for 2-3 weeks until they are stabilized. * The one thing we know about Stage 3 is what happens if failure occurs * If you fail Stage 3, nothing happens out right. You may even fully complete stage 3, if the mistake happened early in the day. * When you go to bed, you'll awake to find yourself in the Pram Videogame Slave Mines. * You are kept there amoungst millions of other slaves, toiling away in treacherous conditions * If you don't die, you are let out after 10 years * you can try the initiation again immediately after you are freed Completion Hooray! You are now a fully trained Professional Pram Player! * After you complete your training, a league will make contact with you a few days after Completion. * At this point you are a Cult member fully * Being a Professional Pram Player promises you endless praise and fame beyond your comprehension. Presidents, Prime Ministers, even dictators will be jealous of the popularity you attract. Fear The Referee